There are multiple factors like genetics, experiences in life, our education, and the environment we live in, which influence our behavior, thoughts, and beliefs. Our attitude is a complex mixture of all these. Some are under our control some are not. Our experiences, education, and environment shape us till we do not take control and shape our experiences, education, and environment.
We shall confine our study in this article to the influence of ‘people’ who we associate with. People are an important part of our environment which shapes us. The ‘people factor’ consists of our friends, colleagues, family, social contacts etc with whom we interact most. We automatically tune in to the energy of those we spend the most time with, regardless of whether the energy is positive or negative. If you are exposed to mediocre attitudes repeatedly, you may find yourself not only degrading in those areas but justifying your behavior as normal. This happens because if we see it regularly, our mind turns blind to the behavior we once saw as abnormal, and starts viewing it as normal. Familiarity breeds blindness. Literally and philosophically: Your friends tell a lot about you. So mind your company.
One of the most influential inspirational speakers the Late Jim Rohn said: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. The average can be of success, wisdom, energy, manners, lifestyle, income, attitude etc. We should interpret Rohn liberally. The number can be more or less than five. Just as you are being influenced, you too are influencing others.
Whether you are adolescent, teenager, youth, middle-aged or a veteran, you are not beyond peer pressure. Your group, friends, the circle will remain your major influencers. Parents advise their teenage children to be in good company but never peek into their own company. Even though you are intelligent and independent you are not immune to the influence of others. We are approval seeking animals. We look up to other people for their approval of what we do. Naturally, we will do what they like. It’s like you are hacked by society without you realising it.
Firstly, the ‘general attitude’ of people surrounding you, impacts you indirectly. It rubs off slowly but surely. Ask yourself whether the people with whom you spend the maximum time have significant dreams, goals, ambitions and are they inspired to achieve them or are they salivating at the thought of the next meal, do they treat people well or with arrogance, are they, go-getters or complainers, are they envious of successful people or do they admire success, are they living with conviction or are they hypocrites, do they see everything through the lens of money and status, are they power and fame hungry or sincere in their striving, are they believers in superstitions and pseudo-science or do they take responsibility for their lives, is their main topic of conversation how to improve yourself and lead a better life or is it centered around criticisms and gossips, are the health conscious or bingers, are they nostalgically locked in the past or are they enthusiastic to make a better tomorrow.
The second is ‘specific attitude’ of your inner circle towards you. Specific attitude has a direct impact on you. It can either be a roadblock or lubrication to your personal growth. Ask some hard questions to yourself. Do the people with whom you spend the most time to understand and encourage your dreams and goals. After meeting them, do you leave feeling energized or drained? Do they support your resolutions or tempt you to eat when you are on a diet. Is your best quality appreciated or ridiculed? Are they sensitive to your fears and losses? Are they frank or do they just want to be in your good books? Are you heard with attention or do you have to just listen to the drama queen’s or drama king’s bragging?
Attitudes are contagious, especially when we are off guard. We are a most relaxed and off guard with our friends. With some friends you spend time, with some you invest time. Fortify your life with the right friends. Aristotle’s teacher the great philosopher Plato said: “People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person, or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die”. The more mediocrity you tolerate in others, the more it inches in you. If they are not growing they would not like you to grow as your growth will pressurize them to grow as well. Those who cannot climb with you will want you to crawl with them.
You do not have to end a relationship with all the people with mediocre attitudes unless they are dangerously toxic. Again, in some case, you cannot call it all over, because they may be your work-colleagues, family friends, club friends, locality group etc. You may also find some comfort in long-familiar predictable friends. Their intentions may not be wrong; they may be ignorant about the negativity they are spreading. The effort to change and think maybe just too much for them to handle. Have sympathy for them, forgive them. If you can talk it over, you must talk. In other cases, just be aware and be a miser with the time you spend with them. Find some good qualities in the other person and speak to those qualities, limit your expectations.
Of all the ‘people’ you closely associate with, your close friends are your choice. You may be having a big list of Facebook friends, but have at least a few real friends. I wish you real friends who have your good at their heart, cheer in your success, encourage you when the going is tough, believe in you and your dreams, patronize you, praise you generously, and speak the bitter truth if needed instead of making a show of sympathy when you wrong.
Having fun, going wild, experiencing, partying hard - dance sing and play, all come along when you strike the right chords. The primary purpose of life is to enjoy it and you cannot do it without friends. True friendship is the highest form of love. It’s a rare luxury indeed.
Love,
Mahendra Chaturmutha.
